Jaime, my name is

sassygaytrickstertime:

fuckingrecipes:

DIDN’T GET YOUR PARTNER A VALENTINE? 

UNDERSTANDABLE, BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY BEING A SEXY BASTARD AND SAVING THE WORLD OR SOME SHIT. 

NOW RINSE THE BLOOD OFF YOUR HANDS AND GRAB SOME SHIT FROM THE STORE, BECAUSE EVERY ASSHOLE DESERVES SOME ROMANTIC CRAP ONCE IN A WHILE. 

AFTER YOU RESTOCK YOUR SILVER BULLETS, SALT AND STITCH TOGETHER YOUR OWN WOUNDS LIKE A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER, BUY SOME RASPBERRIES AND THREE TYPES OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS. 

WHY THREE?

VARIETY, ASSHOLE! IT MAKES YOU LOOK CLASSY, LIKE YOU ACTUALLY TRIED, INSTEAD OF WHIPPING TOGETHER SOME BULLSHIT AT THE LAST MINUTE LIKE A FORGETFUL BITCH. 

SO GET YOUR MILK CHOCOLATE, WHITE CHOCOLATE AND DARK CHOCOLATE CHIPS. TRAVEL INTO THE WILDS AND COLLECT ONLY THE PUREST AND MOST SUCCULENT RASPBERRIES FOR THE PERSON OF YOUR AFFECTIONS. 

OR MAYBE YOU’RE MAKING THIS TREAT FOR YOURSELF, I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. SHUT THE HELL UP. 

NOW DELICATELY PICK UP A RASPBERRY, ‘CAUSE THOSE ASSHOLES ARE EASY TO DAMAGE. REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU PUT TOGETHER AN ARC REACTOR IN A CAVE AND BE A GENTLE BASTARD AS YOU PUSH THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS INSIDE EACH RASPBERRY. 

NOW PUT THE BOWL OF PERFECTION AND SHIT INTO THE FRIDGE OR FREEZER, DEPENDING ON HOW HARDCORE YOU ARE.

DON’T FORGET TO PRESENT THESE DELICIOUS LITTLE BASTARDS IN YOUR HAND-MADE SILVER CHALICE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A CLASSY ASSHOLE LIKE THAT. 

thank you karkat

(via caricatureoftradingmistakes)

nuriawen:

voyagetoatlantis:

Omg!

So making these for karin

(via totescas)

livingabravenewlife:

sord:

ukidoki:

militaryfit-bombshell:

Super Silky Summer Legs

Next time you are feeling down, about to binge, going on a date, or just need to pamper yourself, do this. I just did it and I can not stop rubbing my legs together. It feels like I paid for that over expensive pedicure at the salon.

Ingredients

• 1 1/4 C Sugar (Yup, plain, good-ol’ white sugar)
• 1/2 C Oil (I used olive oil, but you can use any oil, coconut oil, baby oil, canola oil)
• 3 tablespoons Citrus (Lime or lemon)
• 1-2 Razors

1. Mix everything together in a bowl.
2. Soak your legs in the tub for 5 minutes.
3. Shave your legs.
4. Rub some of this mixture all over your legs. The sugar will help rub off all dirt and dead skin. Rub, rub. Feels like a mini massage.
5. Rinse it all off, shave again. I would use one razor per leg if you have two. You will be rinsing this razor a lot. I was GROSSED out by the amount of dead skin I was “shaving” off. It was insane! Trust me, you’ll see.
6. Rub your legs again! Second coat of wax, oh yeah.
7. Rinse off! You can use a mild soap to help get some of the oil off.
8. Lotion your legs up, and feel the silkiness!

Now this isn’t just geared to ladies…. guys, if you want to get lucky, I suggest you offer to rub your ladies’ feet with this mix too. It feels awesome, and when you get lucky, you will be thanking me that her rough grandma feet aren’t cutting your legs, if ya know what I’m saying… hahaha.

I have silky arm pits too!!

Try it, I swear, You will want everyone to touch your legs.

i just did this and after about 2 or so months of not shaving this is the most incredible thing i have ever done its like my legs arent even legs they’re some sort of ancient fabric made only for powerful pharoahs

i highly suggest this even if you don’t shave use it on your feet or shave your pits or your pubes with it because you will feel like a fucking deity

HOLY SHIT I JUST USED THIS AND???? I FEEL LIKE MY LEGS ARE MADE OF ANGEL WINGS

THIS IS THE BEST THING IF YOU DON’T USE IT YOU’RE CRAZY

i’ve had this in my likes for so long Imma go do this now.

(via doihavetostay)

(via caricatureoftradingmistakes)

blackinasia:

fuckingrecipes:

thecakebar:

Sourdough Danish Pastries Tutorial Sets {You must click link for FULL tutorial/recipe}

IF YOU WANT TO BE A SUPER-FANCY ASSHOLE WITH YOUR BAKED GOODS

nomz

(via sarcasmismybestfriend)

roccoconut:

aviantheatrics:

celesteboldlygoes:

yaheardwithperd:

sarrel:

Ingredients:

CINNAMON FILLING:
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, just melted (not boiling)
1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons packed light brown sugar
1/2 tablespoon ground cinnamon

CREAM CHEESE GLAZE:
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
2-ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

PANCAKES:
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 tablespoon canola or vegetable oil

Directions:

Prepare the cinnamon filling: In a medium bowl, stir together the butter, brown sugar and cinnamon. Scoop the filling into a quart-sized heavy zip baggie and set it aside (see *Tips below).

Prepare the glaze: In a small pan, heat the butter over low heat until melted. Turn off the heat and whisk in the cream cheese until it is almost smooth. Sift the powdered sugar into the pan, stir and add in vanilla extract. Set the pan aside while you make the pancakes.

Prepare the pancake batter: In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt. Whisk in the milk, egg and oil, just until the batter is moistened (a few small lumps are fine).

Cook the pancakes: Heat a large, nonstick skillet over medium-heat and spray with nonstick spray. Use an ice cream scoop (or 1/3 cup measuring cup) to add the batter to the pan. Use the bottom of the scoop or cup to spread the batter into a circle (about 4-inches in diameter). Reduce the heat to medium low. Snip the corner of your baggie of cinnamon filling and squeeze the filling into the open corner. When your pancake begins to form bubbles, add the filling. Starting at the center of the pancake, squeeze the filling on top of the pancake batter in a swirl (just as you see in a regular cinnamon roll). Cook the pancake 2 to 3 minutes, or until the bubbles begin popping on top of the pancake and it’s golden brown on the bottom. Slide a thin, wide non-metal spatula underneath the pancake and gently but quickly flip it over. Cook an additional 2 to 3 minutes, until the other side is golden as well. When you flip the pancake onto a plate, you will see that the cinnamon filling has created a crater-swirl of cinnamon. Wipe out the pan with a paper towel, and repeat with the remaining pancake batter and cinnamon filling. Re-warm the glaze briefly, if needed. Serve pancakes topped with a drizzle of glaze.

fuckin yuuum

BALLZZZ.

o hmy fuck

sweet mercy

(via emilythehuman)

fuckyeahweddingideas:

Crown Braid Chignon Tutorial

(via OnceWed)

1. French braid front section of hair from one ear to the other. Leave end of braid out until Step 7.

2. Take the top section of hair, tease it and pin securely with bobby pins creating a half up – half down look.

3. Then starting on one side of the hair take a section of hair, twist it and bring it the opposite side and pin it with bobby pins. Make sure to cover the previously secured bobby pins from Step 1.

4. + 5. Then take the remaining “tail” from the section of hair just pinned with an additional section of hair, creating one section of hair, twist and bring it the opposite side and pin securely with bobby pins directly under the previous twist.

6. Repeat the process until there is no longer any more sections on either side and you are left with just the “tails”.

7. + 8. Pin the remaining “tails” by twisting and overlapping, mimicking the overlap twist look.

9. + 10.  After all hair is twisted and pinned, bring the braid into the back and secure with bobby pins. Making the “tail” of the braid mimic the already pinned twists.

11. After all is hair and braid is pinned securely, gently tug at hair creating a looser more full look.

(via strikingdowntherule)

THINNER SLIMMER INNER THIGHS ROUTINE!!!

(via caricatureoftradingmistakes)

(via sarcasmismybestfriend)